"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
