Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
