White coat. Heels.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
