woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
