Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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