I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
