If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
