we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
