you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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