i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
