I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
