It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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