So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
