Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
