so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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