woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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