On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
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Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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