And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
