hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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