That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
