apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
