Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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