If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
