you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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