Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
