what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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