So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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