Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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