WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
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You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just puked most of my soul out..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I love you.
Bad choice
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize