his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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