By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
