got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
