oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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