I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
