yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
