I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
