i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
