did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
