dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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