mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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