I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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