when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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