people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
