You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
