come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
