Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
