I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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