She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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