I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
