i already hear my dad disowning me
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Panties = found
Randomize
