You made me cry and you don't even care
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
