so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
