once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's on the porch naked. Help.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
