PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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