nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no, he came in my armpit
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
