who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize