I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
