Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
