You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
