He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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