you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
