Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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