You smell like a Billy Joel song
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
