Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
