grandma shit on top of the toilet
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
